A Slut's Guide to Happiness
A Cliff Media Companion Podcast
Sex can be an incredible outlet for pleasure and connection, but social norms make accessing this simple joy harder than it needs to be.
In this podcast, we talk about how to let go of junk narratives around our bodies and sexual desire and
reclaim the joyful, healing power of sexual freedom.
Welcome to A Slut's Guide to Happiness, where your body is perfectly imperfect, and it's safe to be as sexual, kinky, queer or slutty as you want.
Join us in the joy of being awkwardly human, naked and without pretense.
Let’s get free!
Find "A Slut's Guide to Happiness" anywhere you get your podcasts:
About the podcast:
Cliff Media is a women and queer-led, community-driven production company that invites people of all walks of life to participate in the exciting experiment of co-creating loving, inclusive sex-positive spaces. In this companion podcast, Vanessa talks with pornstars, participants in Cliff Media shoots, and other sex-positive community leaders about joyful kink, loving community, healthy non-monogamy, and empowered female and queer sexuality.
Recent decades have brought meaningful progress in some areas of gender and sexuality. For example, LGBTQ people have found greater acceptance in the institution of marriage and the workplace, and improved access to contraception allows women more sexual freedom.
Nonetheless, dominant cultural norms still perpetuate narrow ideas about who is desirable or worthy of love and what sexual practices are appropriate. Often, these subtle, pernicious ideas operate quietly beneath the surface and show up in our hearts as shame, isolation or fear.
How do we break free? How do we learn to be and love our whole authentic selves, to find the joy and pleasure in authenticity? How do we release the fear that who we are, how we love or what we desire is a problem?
What does happiness and connection look like for people who don’t conform to idealized standards? How do we claim the power of sexual freedom for people who have a differently sized body, differently functioning brain, or different levels of mobility; people who work in the sex industry; or people who are slutty, kinky, old, Black or brown, transgender, or polyamorous?
We dive deep on serious topics in a light-hearted, loving & fun way.
A Slut's Guide to Happiness: Episodes
Episode 7: 10 Wicked Hot Ways to Wait Out an STI
It’s super important to discuss regular testing and easy access to treatment for Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs), but conversation about STIs usually stops there. Common medical advice usually directs you to abstain from sex for the treatment period. What they should really be saying is abstaining from genital-to-genital and genital-to-mouth contact.
Let’s get specific, folks. There’s a world of options for sexual connection and there’s no reason your sex and dating life needs to come to a screeching halt while you deal with the STI.
In this episode, I share personal experiences after a recent STI, offering 10 hot ways to wait out an STI. You’ll hear about impact and power play, kink roleplays, dildo penetration, mutual masturbation, flirting adventures, compersion, romantic connection, and more.
I hope you don’t have to experience STIs, but if you love being slutty like me, they’re a reality we just have to contend with, so we might as well have a roaring good time and learn some beautiful things about our partners and ourselves in the process.
Episode 6: The Underground World of Anonymous Gay Sex - with Orion Pax
Self-reported studies suggest that less than 5% of men identify as either gay or bisexual. However, these studies depend on men openly communicating about their homosexual desires. Real-world experience indicates that there’s a much greater proportion of the male population interested in or actively engaged in sucking or fucking other men, despite otherwise publicly identifying as straight.
This episode’s guest, Orion Pax, now publicly identifies as pansexual, meaning he is attracted to people of all genders. However, for more than two decades, Orion had anonymous sex with other men. For much of that time, due to social stigma and pressures in his personal life, Orion kept these activities secret, exclusively had romantic relationships with women, and thought of himself as essentially straight.
Through two decades of experience, Orion has deep knowledge of the vast underground world of anonymous gay sex - in dark rooms, sometimes masked, sometimes behind gloryholes, sometimes in hotels, public bathrooms or parks. Orion describes the range of characters he’s met through these encounters, how people find each other, and what type of ads they post.
We discuss what benefits men gain from this limbo zone between straight and queer life. Although some men eventually choose to come out as gay, bi or pansexual, we also explore how men who choose to stay in this limbo zone can think about their participation in the underground world in a way that is most supportive of their self-love and freedom.
Episode 5: Doing Porn with your Romantic Partner - with Hazel Havoc and her Husband
Hazel Havoc and her husband have both separately performed in porn at different times throughout their relationship. This episode begins with a surprise story new both to the audience and Vanessa! When Hazel’s husband first attended a Cliff Media shoot, it was a big step for their relationship and brought up a lot of emotions. Hazel and her husband dive into the experience, explaining what came up for them at each step of the way, and how they navigated it together, including months later when the porn scenes came out with his many cumshots on display for millions of viewers.
Hazel’s later foray into pro-domme work led to new stages in their relationship. Through experimentation, they learned to navigate the different compartments of their professional and personal sex lives. They also eventually found that their separate roles in porn have had a positive impact on their relationship and sexual connection. These lessons have broader implications for sustained erotic connection between romantic partners.
Episode 3: Undoing the Shame Attached to Masturbation - with Orion Pax
Everybody’s doing it, almost nobody’s talking about it, and when it is discussed, it’s rarely in a positive light. Yet, science confirms what common sense suggests: masturbation is beneficial for physical and emotional health, as well as sex and intimacy with others.
Unfortunately, the shame and silence surrounding masturbation can turn this healthy universal activity into a source of painful emotions. In this episode, Orion Pax shares his vulnerable personal journey with masturbation, including the function of masturbation at different points in his life and the root of his self-recriminating narratives about “me time”. Through affirmation from other people, Orion has since learned to accept his love of masturbation and noticed how the benefits of sexual self-care create ripple effects in other areas of life.
Orion’s story is relatable for anyone who feels embarrassment or concern about their time spent masturbating. By ending a collective “don’t ask don’t tell” approach to masturbation, we can experience its benefits without getting dragged down by junk narratives about sexual self-care.
Episode 2: Light Me Up - Energy and Impact Play - with Hazel Havoc
Impact play is a sexual kink that involves hitting someone with hands or instruments like flogs, whips, or paddles to cause consensual pain or sensation. Although this is a well-known form of BDSM, representations of this kink often leave out the complex energy exchange that takes place between participants and the mental and emotional health benefits.
In this episode, we talk with a professional domme who has provided impact for years to participants coming to her for a safe and cathartic experience. Hazel Havoc describes the heady, consuming experience of “topspace” and “subspace”, the energy exchange that occurs in these altered headspaces, and the effect that going into top and subspace can have on both participants. She shares perspectives on the role of the top in observing and responding with care to the energy of the sub, as well as guidance for how both can take care of themselves afterwards. With the right approach, this form of kink play can be a profound and healing experience.
Episode 1: Walking through Fear and Shame to Share Your Truth
You can fit in the box society gives us, conforming to expectations about how we should love, have sex, raise families, work, dress, and behave. Or, if you dare to step outside the box, and you continue accepting yourself when other people tell you to get back in the box, you might find that there’s so much more room to play, room for freedom, exploration and joy out here.
But that move can be terrifying and it’s no small feat. In this episode, I share instances in my life where I felt scared and ashamed about my identity and choices, and then eventually moved through the fear to be open about who I am. From choosing to become a solo parent through anonymous conception to becoming a hardcore porn performer, and more, I share the process of finding the courage to be honest about my life.
The episode concludes with three big lessons I’ve learned from these experiences of coming out that might help you on your own growing edge of sharing who you are with the world.
Welcome to "A Slut's Guide to Happiness"
with your host Vanessa Cliff